No. It's a joke between people who know each other, like a rude birthday card or a roast at a leaving do. It is not for hate mail, abuse, threats or harassment, and it's not for anyone you genuinely want to upset. Santa won't write about race, religion, sexuality, gender, disability, health or bodies, we turn down orders that cross the line, and anyone who gets a letter can ask us never to send them another.

Adults with a sense of humour: mates, partners, brothers, sisters, colleagues and that one uncle. It's a joke between people who know each other. It's not for children, and it's not for anyone you genuinely want to upset.

How rude does it get?

You choose. Our ready-written letters go from a bit cheeky to properly sweary, and AI letters let you pick Cheeky, Rude or Absolutely Filthy. You see every word before you pay.

What won't Santa write?

He'll swear like a trooper, but he won't go after race, religion, sexuality, gender, disability, health or bodies. He won't make threats or serious accusations, and requests that look like real harassment are turned down.

Can I stay anonymous?

Yes. The letter only says who it's from if you tell it to. The envelope just looks like a lovely card from the North Pole.

When is the last day to order for Christmas?

Order by 14 December for our last posting on 18 December. Letters ordered after that may not arrive before Christmas.

When will the letter arrive?

Standard post usually arrives within 5 working days of the posting date you choose, and first class within 2. Royal Mail is very busy in December, so please allow a few extra days.

Can I choose the day it's posted?

Yes. You pick the posting date when you order: as soon as possible, Tuesday 1 December, Tuesday 8 December or Tuesday 15 December. Letters are printed in batches, ready for the date you choose.

Who is the letter addressed to?

The envelope is addressed to them by name, at the address you give us. It looks completely innocent until they open it.

Can I send it to a different address, such as their work?

Yes. Enter any UK address as the delivery address. The envelope is still addressed to them by name. Please only send it somewhere they'll be happy to open it.

Will they see the price?

No. The price isn't printed on the letter, the certificate or the envelope. Your receipt is emailed to you, not posted.

Can I see the letter before I pay?

Yes. The preview updates as you type and shows exactly what we'll print, including the envelope. Please check the spelling carefully, because we print exactly what you enter.

What is the certificate?

A second page, posted with the letter: official proof from Santa of exactly what they are, with their name on it. You choose its design when you order. It's an optional extra, added to the price of the letter.

I've made a mistake. Can I change my letter?

Yes, as long as it hasn't been printed yet. Contact us with your order reference (it's in your confirmation email) and tell us what to change. We'll correct it free of charge.

Can I cancel my order?

Yes. You can cancel for a full refund at any time before your letter is printed. Because every letter is personalised, we can't refund it once it's been printed, unless something has gone wrong. Our refund policy has the details.

My letter hasn't arrived. What should I do?

Please allow 10 working days after the posting date, as Royal Mail is very busy before Christmas. If it still hasn't arrived, contact us with your order reference and we'll send another free of charge.

I got one of these and didn't find it funny.

Sorry about that. Get in touch through our Contact page and we'll make sure we don't send you any more.

Do you post outside the UK?

Not at the moment. We post to addresses in the UK only.

How do I use a partner or discount code?

Type the code in the "Partner or discount code" box before you pay, or use the link someone shared with you, which fills it in for you. The code needs to be on the order when you pay: it can't be added afterwards.

Yes. Payments are handled by Stripe, which processes payments for millions of businesses around the world. Everything is encrypted, and your card details go straight to Stripe. We never see them.

What do you do with their details?

We use them only to write and post the letter. They're never used for marketing or shared with anyone except our print and post partner, and the letter details are deleted 90 days after the letter is posted. Our privacy notice explains everything.

Santa's Shit List: rude letters from Santa

Every letter is written for one knobhead

No two letters are the same. Santa brings up the things that matter: their town, their worst habits, the stupid thing they did this year and how everyone has frankly had enough.

Names and shames them, town and all

Brings up the thing they hoped you'd forgotten

Swears exactly as much as you want him to

Signed by Santa, who is fuming

Start grassing them up

Every letter is written for one child

No two letters are the same. Father Christmas mentions the things that matter to them: their hobbies, their town, something they're proud of this year and the present they're hoping for.

Mentions their town or village by name

Praises something they've done well this year

Talks about the present they've asked for

Signed by Father Christmas, or Santa if you prefer

Start writing their letter

The workshop

STEP 1 Choose your design

Letter shape Every design works with every shape

STEP 6 What the letter says

Each letter is written for one child. The next steps only ask for what your chosen letter uses.

Signed by

STEP 2 About the child

First name Surname Age

Their town Santa mentions it Who are they to you? So Santa knows where to aim

STEP 3 Why they're a dick What annoys you about them? Tap a few, or write your own

Why does nobody like them? Start with "you". Tap one or two, or write your own

Why do they deserve a Dick (or Cunt) certificate? The most dickish thing they did this year. Tap one, or write your own

Write it as Santa would say it to them, starting with "you", e.g. "you got stuck in the lift".

STEP 4 How bad have they been?

STEP 5 What they want for Christmas What do they deserve for Christmas?

Add a P.S. from Santa Optional

STEP 7 Envelope

Every envelope carries the shop name, a North Pole postmark and the child's name.

STEP 8 Delivery

Postal address Your browser may offer to fill it in

House number and street Flat, building or area Optional

Town or city Postcode

When should we post it?

STEP 9 Check and pay

★ Most popular extra

Add a Nice List certificate✓ Certificate added · tap to remove

School, nursery or discount code Optional. With a school or nursery's code, it receives money for this order.

Remind me next ChristmasWe'll email you once a year when Father Christmas is taking letters again. Unsubscribe any time. This is a joke, not abuseThey're 18 or over, I know them, and they'll take it as a joke. I'm not using this to harass, threaten or upset anyone. I agree to the terms and conditions and the refund policy, and I've read the privacy noticeLetters are personalised: you can cancel for a full refund until your letter is printed, but not after.

Raise money for your school, nursery or playgroup this Christmas

Parents order a personalised letter from Father Christmas for their child and enter your code at checkout. For every letter ordered with it, your school, nursery or playgroup receives £1.00. It's free to join, and there's nothing to sell, collect or hand out.

Sign up below. It takes two minutes and there's nothing to pay.

Get your code. We check your details and email you your own code, such as ACORNS24, and a private access key.

Share it with parents. Use your free promotion pack: printable posters and flyers with your code on, a ready-made email and a paragraph for your newsletter or parents' group.

Earn from every letter. Every letter ordered with your code earns £1.00. See how many have been ordered at any time, and we pay everything you've earned by 31 January.

Your own code, ready to share

Posters and flyers to print, with your code on

A ready-made email and newsletter paragraph for parents

Your own page showing how many letters have been ordered and what you've earned

Money paid to your school by 31 January

Already a partner?

Enter your school's code (the same code parents enter when they order) and the access key from your welcome email, to see your referrals and what you're owed.

Your school's code The code parents use, e.g. ACORNS24 Access key 8 letters and numbers, in your welcome email

From your kitchen table to their bloody doormat

From your kitchen table to the North Pole and back

Three jobs for the elves. None of them paid.

Three jobs for the elves

Three stamps on the way to your door

Three steps to ruining their Christmas

Open the door to a world of abuse

Three simple steps. No appeals.

Three rounds. All on them.

Knitted with love. Written with spite.

Made to be kept

Every letter is written for one knobhead

Every letter is written for one child

He knows about the 2am voicemail and the kebab in the car

He knows about the lost tooth and the swimming badge

He knows about the kebab, the karaoke and the thing at the work do

Every letter is a surprise. Not a nice one.

Every complaint is investigated. Thoroughly. And then they get a letter.

Santa's had a few, and he's got opinions

Warm, cosy and deeply personal

Every letter is different, because every child is

A little parcel of pure spite

A little parcel of Christmas magic

What's in the envelope (besides abuse)

What's in the envelope

Beautifully made. Deeply offensive.

Something lovely. Allegedly.

The paperwork. All of it.

What they get served

What's in the parcel

Postage & contents

Pick when it's posted, and the elves chuck it on the next mail train south

Choose when it's posted, and the elves load it onto the next mail train south

Raise money for your school, nursery or playgroup this Christmas

Already a partner?

Apply for your partner code

We're here to help

Send us a message

Get a reminder next Christmas

Questions from partners

Before you order